Horn O' Plenty

TowelBoy woke up from his beauty nap to discover that it's almost the most wonderful time of the year. Any day now, Club Pittsburgh will turn into a wonderland of holiday Mary-ment. I tell my co-workers every year that once we hit Labor Day Weekend, we're on a runaway train to New Year's Eve. This year is certainly no exception. TowelBoy is officially about to exchange his weedwacker and garden ho for a snow shovel and the space heater he keeps handy in the event he finds his house guests naked. (Shrinkage does not exactly scream “Happy Holidays”.) It seems just like yesterday that I was hosting a...hmmm, garden party...on the Club Pittsburgh roof deck. Oh well – it may be getting cold outside, but the holidays only heat things up at CP.

The fun always starts with Halloween. Of course, at CP a nasty trick can be way better than a sweet treat. This year there were plenty of both. I think I had more members come to our Halloween party in costume than ever before. The club's Halloween party was a blast, and people are still talking about spooktacular Spell on the Southside. Thanks to RuPaul and the Persad Center for giving Pittsburgh's GBLT community a special treat this Halloween. Oh – and our queen won a costume contest for her half man/half woman costume at a local watering hole. The competition was fierce, but I'm pleased to report that Ms. Mierda left with her weave in tact and $200 in her purse. In this contest, both the most worthy contestant and the sponsoring bar were winners: Esta feels like a real queen, and I'm sure the bar will get its $200 back from her by Thanksgiving. (Okay, let’s be realistic – Election Day.) Only one thing would have made this Halloween better. Each year, I beg Patches to participate in some costume theme with me. This year, I was all about Sally Field, the perky, bone-building emmy winner from that show were the cute gay one is a bit of a man whore and Ally McBeal is a Repulican. I wanted Patches to dress up as Gidget opposite TowelBoy's flying nun. But poor Patches got confused and came dressed as half Jenna Bush, half Barbara Bush Sr. Again.

Not really, but I can dream, right?

With Halloween now a pleasant memory, everyone is focused on Thanksgiving. I apparently have only two weeks left to stuff my bird. I guarantee that you'll be giving thanks for our November events. On Wednesday, November 7th, check out the naked go-go dancers from 10 PM to Midnight. The question I get asked the most is “When is it busy?” (For some reason, TowelBoy's usual response to this question does not amuse the masses.) Let me give you a hint: Our go-go boys have quite a following. Come for the go-go boys, stay to enjoy the revelers. If you miss them on the 7th, you'll have another chance the night before Thanksgiving. Come and enjoy a night of fun before you spend the day listening to your annoying Aunt Irma and flatulent Uncle Stu talk ad nauseam about their recent trip to Bora Bora. Get yourself through their slide slow (yep – that's Uncle Stu in a Speedo. Again.) by focusing on Club Pittsburgh's post-Thanksgiving Horn O'Plenty party on Saturday, November 24. Tasty snacks, tasty boys, and Hoochie Harvest Punch! Don't want to wait until Thanksgiving to have some fun? Join us for our Veteran's Day Blackout Party on Saturday, November 10. Lockers will be discounted to $8 for those dressed in military attire.

And now a peak at what all the boys at CP are buzzing about. Yep – it's glossary time.

QUIPPY CHICK (n.) A horny stud who comes to Club Pittsburgh all the way from a small town just northwest of the airport. Treacherous travel on route 65 is usually involved. Some attributes of Quippy Chicks: they're frequently hateful, occasionally dressed in rubber, and always look like they need it real bad. Quippy Chicks are among our most popular and sought-after customers, and they frequently have so many admirers that they can't keep track of them. You can give them your number, but don't expect them to remember your name.

A brief note before signing off: Club Pittsburgh is closed during the day on Thanksgiving so employees can enjoy the holiday. We do open again at 9 PM, and TowelBoy has managed to get lucky at Club Pittsburgh for six Thanksgivings and counting. Stop in and try your luck, too!

Gobble Gobble, Girl!
TowelBoy